I have a rather unbelievable story to tell you. I woke up yesterday morning and my nose was gone (not the first time this has happened). I tried to place an ad in the newspaper asking if anyone had seen him, but the clerk thought my story was far too absurd and refused me. On my way out of the office, I spotted him getting into a fine carriage. To my surprise, he was a higher rank than I! I ran over to him and was about to give him a piece of my mind when he said “no BM” and punched me right in the mouth. When I woke, I searched my pockets for my wallet, finding instead a note that read “drink more milk WeirdChamp.” I have no idea what that means.

If you see my nose, please tell me. If not, I’ll see you all at practice,

Lev “Coming up with original ideas is hard, okay?” Bernstein

Secretary, Quiz Bowl at Nevsky Prospekt, 1809-1852